Jun 24

The Pros and Cons of Dating Someone 10 Years Apart from You

By Veronica Baxter | Relationships

One common question revolving around modern dating is whether age is just a number. It’s unfortunate that society mostly looks down upon partners with a vast age gap of about 10-15 years in today’s era. This depends on many other social factors, which revolve around a society’s cultures and beliefs.  

The definition of a  May-December relationship is when two people of a substantial age difference are involved romantically. May refers to the spring life of the young, while December refers to the winter life of the old. These relationships go either way. For example, the lady could be older than the man, and the man could also be older than the lady. 

How do May-December Relationships Work?

The longevity of a relationship is reliant on age and the maturity levels of the people involved. In this case, couples with a considerable gap are happier than the same age partners or people with a reduced age gap.

As much as this is true, these setups will often experience societal stigma, which may cause setbacks in a relationship. This is why if you are in this kind of a setup, you have to get prepared for people’s opinions about your relationship and the many other obstacles and societal stigmas that come with it.  

This is why an experienced divorce lawyer from Philadelphia advocates that you ask yourself these questions during the dating phase before you fully commit. 

How Do Your Life Goals and Interests Match?

The older you grow, the reality of this will become more evident. If you’re willing to commit for the long-term, it’s essential to make sure that these align. Look at the hobbies and interests that help you connect, as these will help strengthen your connection in the long run. 

Can You Handle Public Scrutiny?

These relationships are more likely to experience more societal scrutiny than “normal” relationships. The age gap may not be so evident during the middle ages, but it will undoubtedly be once one partner gets into their senior years. If you’re easily affected by public opinions over your life, this may not be the best setup for you. Just make sure that you can handle it before you commit to this; however much it gets into your nerves.

Is There Equality in the Relationship?

It is easy to take up a mothering role, especially to the younger partner, and this is not healthy in building a relationship. If the connection is based on power or who rules over the other, they might not be in the relationship with the right intentions. In such situations, the younger person cannot speak out their opinions or make decisions, which should be a source of concern before committing. Therefore, if you feel small in your relationship, this kind of love would not be the best fit for you. 

The Challenges You’ll Face

In the long run, as much as these relationships are rewarding, they have their common share of challenges. However, these challenges should be addressed and handled like any other relationship. Here are common challenges that you’re likely to experience:

  • Sexual Drive

This is one thing that most couples don’t openly talk about, and it may lead to devastating results later on in the relationship. There’s no doubt that sexual drives also vary in age gaps. Sexual issues may arise sometime in the future, and when they do, it’s essential to know how to deal with them

  • Health Challenges

This mainly affects the older partner, and health issues are never predictable. Therefore, it is vital to have a candid discussion on dealing with these issues once they come up in the future. On the other hand, if you’re the younger partner, be ready to deal with these situations as they arise. 

  • Family Acceptance

One of the barriers to having a long-lasting relationship is the people close to you. These will include; children, if you had some, close friends and family. The idea may not make sense to them at all. 

It gets more complicated when children are involved. It can be challenging for them to accept and respect the younger partner as superior to them. You will need to know how to deal with these situations before they get out of hand. It can take time for people to accept the relationship, but time and growth will undoubtedly yield results.

  • The Child Factor

In such scenarios, the idea of having children of your own may be an issue. Older women may want kids and not get some, while men may not want to have them when they are older. It’s essential to reach an agreement on what to do in such situations.

Modern options such as surrogacy or adoption may come in handy for older women who want kids. However, if you still don’t agree about children, visiting a counsellor may be an excellent solution to help you reach a conclusion that will make both of you comfortable.  

The Benefits of a May December Relationship

As much as there are challenges to May-December relationships, there are many advantages to it. Some of these include:

  • No time wastage

In such setups, each party knows what they want, and they get into it for a stable and long-lasting relationship. 

  • The Money Factor

Money is a central issue affecting relationships. People are more likely to be in stable relationships if they don’t have to worry much about finances. For example, if you date someone older, having money arguments will most likely be a thing of the past, and it can build stability in your relationship.

  • Honesty

When one is older, they have seen it all, and they most likely won’t lie about things or situations to avoid something. This makes the May-December relationships beautiful as petty arguments and openness make the relationship successful altogether.

  • Confidence Booster

This builds a level of pride and confidence mainly for the older person to get someone younger to love them. It gives them hope that they are still vibrant enough for a young person to have loved them. There’s no feeling more incredible than this.

  • Few Insecurity Episodes

The young generation relationships are known be less matured in relational situations. However, in May-December relationships, there will be clarity in what each party wants, and trust is a significant factor in making the relationship sustainable. 

  • Open Discussions and Communication

Since May-December relationships are not readily accepted in society, the age gap will bring about conversations involving the kids or the future setbacks they may face in the relationship. This helps you to deal with conflicts and come up with agreements easier. 

  • Extra Effort on the Relationship 

These kinds of relationships are prone to public scrutiny, and opinions make the couple involved put in the work to make it work against all odds. This kind of motivation gives more reason to avoid petty arguments and handle the challenges that may come your way, however complicated and get over them. In the long run, they set an example that these set-ups work.

  • More Freedom

The older party may have missed a lot in their younger years, so at this point, when they start a relationship with someone more youthful, it may bring a needed energy boost to their life. This experience allows them to travel or take part in hobbies which make them feel younger and happier. It also enables the younger party to experience the things they have missed before without worrying much about the bills. 

No one has the right to define how your relationship is supposed to be. You two are the ones who will determine what your relationship will be like and how to overcome the storms that come with it. There’s no reason you shouldn’t date someone older than you just because society dictates so.

Jun 16

Start Up Engineer 1 Ex Girlfriend Elicits Sexual Intimacy with 5 Girls in 4 Months

By Marcus Neo | Case Studies

JT Second Testimonial:


JT First Testimonial:


Transcript For First Testimonial:

JT:                   Hi. I’m JT. I’m a Malaysian working in Singapore as a software engineer. For me myself, I was a really shy guy. I am really afraid of getting rejected by girls. I realized I had this problem that’s why I went to seek [Marcus’ 00:00:18] help.

I call him up and I find that he is really professional and at the same time he’s really kind. He really understand my situation. What he did was we met up together and then he literally forced us to go talk to girls so that the process is not actually…

The main goal is not actually get the girl’s number or to get her to bed or whatever but it’s actually to overcome the fear of rejection. Once we get that in, I finally see some things out. Right now, even though I got rejected by girls many times, I don’t feel the sting of being rejected anymore.

In fact, I even got to met a few good friends through his techniques and at the same time, I have some romantic encounters as well. Besides doing the game like talking to girls on the street, we also tried to tackle the online dating scene.

What Marcus did was he updated my online profile, updated my display picture, getting tips on fashion as well. From that I got immediate result. Immediate matches. He also taught me how to talk with girls and create the connection and bring her out to date.

Beside this, Marcus talk about the psychology and that in every conversation is.. In order to promote trust in a conversation and how to make things more sexy. If you find out that you have an area that you need improvement, don’t hesitate to find professional help. Marcus, I can say he is a professional.

Speaker 2:        Yeah. Good morning, everyone. To JT. How’s everything, JT?

JT:                    Yeah. Tomorrow, I have one. Friday, I’ll go another one. I think next week we will have another one as well during the weekdays.

Speaker 2:        Okay.

JT:                    I think there is two girls that are really interested in me.

Speaker 2:        Okay. Awesome.

JT:                    Yeah.

Speaker 2:        Good. Having results in a short period of time.

JT:                    I want to just say thank you because I haven’t had this much fun. Yeah. Know what I mean? Before this I’m worried about what people would think about me or what texting right now. I just having fun doing the text.

JT More Results:

Jun 15

CEO of a Software Firm Approaches Top 20th Percentile of Women in Two Sessions

By Marcus Neo | Case Studies

Transcript:

Marcus Neo:     This is Yao Jun, right? And…

Yao Jun:            Yep.

Marcus Neo:     He joined me like two months ago. Two months, right? Was it two months?

Yao Jun:            Yep. Around there.

Marcus Neo:     You probably only had two sessions with me, right? So the first session we actually did a photo shoot and in our second session, we went out and do approaches, right?

Yao Jun:            Mm-hmm (affirmative). Yep.

Marcus Neo:     So maybe before we get into the details, maybe you can talk a little bit about yourself. Like your background, what do you do for a living?

Yao Jun:            Okay. So previously I was a consultant, lecturer, and a researcher, and now I run my own [inaudible 00:00:42]. Yeah. So the reason why I approached Marcus was because I had low self-esteem and I felt that I couldn’t communicate with the opposite sex. I have intentions of getting a girlfriend, but I am not so assertive or confident when it comes to dealing with women. So that’s why I reached out to Marcus and I took on his program. Yeah.

Marcus Neo:     Yep. And I mean, you’re actually quite an outlier as well, right? So for those guys who don’t know, you’re between 23-24 years old, you are running your own software company. So basically [crosstalk 00:01:22] you’re the CEO of a software company, very young age. And then you are also someone who actually excelled academically during your teens, right?

Yao Jun:            Yep.

Marcus Neo:     Like someone who just really focused on your grades and schoolwork and just very career-focused as well, right? Maybe you can tell me a little bit more about that.

Yao Jun:            When I was 15, I got a scholarship to Singapore. So that’s why I’m here today. I was from Malaysia, [inaudible 00:01:49]. And I studied in NUS high school there. We really just focused about studies. And of course I do have interest in the opposite sex, but it was that our school was so small and there were a lot of guys towards girls, the guy to girl ratio.

So that’s why it didn’t blossom for an opportunity where I realized that for learning all of these grounds, right, social situations and how to act guy-to-girl, right? All of these things happen in their teens, right. Where people, in their JC, their junior college years, or even some in secondary school. But I was not afforded that opportunity. And afterwards I came to realize that, oh, shit I sunk in too much time in my career. And it’s time to play catch up on all of these things. Yeah.

Marcus Neo:     Okay. So, you joined me as a live client. All my live clients have access to my online program as well, this is how we just do it here. I teach implementable steps in the live program and then the theory is covered by the online program. So can you tell me a bit about your experience of the live program? So far we’ve only had two sessions, right. And then the online program as well.

Yao Jun:            Mm-hmm (affirmative). So first thing is- should I start from live? Or just talk about [crosstalk 00:03:07] program.

Marcus Neo:     Yeah.

Yao Jun:            So the live program couples on with the online program, right? Because, in order for things to scale, you really need your profiles to be up, your photos to be good, and then you need to start learning texting. So, a huge portion of that is covered in the online program. But with that being said, it’s also important to know how to frame an interaction and go in and close. Go on dates and close it with girls. So which is why Marcus incorporates that into his program as well, the live portion of it.

So for our first program- sorry, not first program, first session. All Right. Marcus helped me do some photo shoots, took photos of myself and instructed me with his online courses, well-guided by him on what kind of photos to put, what things to say to a girl from her perspective, framing of her perspective. And not corny lines or memorized lines, but lines that are suited to the individual different style of the guy.

So that was that meaningful at first. Right, and for our first session, you also taught me some core approach techniques and tricks and tips reaching out to a girl and asking for time and direction, reaching out to a girl to speak to her. Yeah. So that was pretty much that for the first session. For our second session, it was more towards a higher-level of things where I approached the girl, called approach. And then I spoke to the girl to understand her better and to sort of frame the interaction so that she would give me her phone number. Yeah.

Marcus Neo:     Let’s talk about some measurable results you got after you joined the program. So firstly, let’s talk about, I mean, from what I heard from you, you haven’t done up your online dating profiles or anything and I’m chasing you on your [inaudible 00:05:07] everything. But I believe you have seen a measurable improvement in online dating by using online dating applications. And maybe you can talk a little bit about that.

Yao Jun:            Mm-hmm (affirmative). To be fair, it’s not that my profile is not up or anything, but I am picky. I have my issues. Right. But it’s not that Marcus program is not good, but to be fair, right. It’s [inaudible 00:05:33]. So when Marcus talks about the components of… Wait sorry, I lost my train of thought. All right.

So as I was saying, right, Marcus’ program helped me to be more confident to speak to girls from the level of texting, seeing her as equals and not a girl that is a prize. I need to work hard to get to the prize. So that’s one perspective that I gained. And instead of framing my interactions as that, it’s more of an equal-setting kind of thing. And I do have more needs from online because many girls are looking to date online, and especially because of COVID, that people are not as willing to go out with a stranger to have dates because lack of trust and to COVID. So, yeah. So right now it seems to me like the best way to go about this is to scale on online dating rather than in person at the moment. Yeah

Marcus Neo:     Okay. So the second part of it would be approaching complete strangers, right? So let me dive into a session I had with you. And this was actually the first session that we actually have for this skill set, which is going up to complete strangers. So one thing is, you would agree with me that the girls that we talked to, they are the top 20th percentile in terms of physical attractiveness, right? We’re not just approaching anyone. Yeah. I mean, not to be misogynistic here, but if we were all honest to ourselves, guys like attractive women, right? So…

Yao Jun:            I can say that my interactions with women have been better, that I can at least talk about sexual jokes with women, and also to speak to her in an equal way instead of looking at her because she’s pretty she’s a prize and therefore I have to submit to her. Right.

So there is what’s so helpful in my daily interactions. And also it gives me the confidence as a guy to if, need it be right in the future when I go out to bars or anything, to just walk up to girl and say, “Hi, I find you charming” or something like that, you know? So I do feel that as a guy, it’s this sense of anchoredness that you feel that, “I’m a guy and I have confidence.” And this confidence lasts you into many aspects of your workplace, your personal life, as well as your career. So for me, I also do feel more centered at work. So it is that confidence then. Yeah.

Marcus Neo:     So let me elaborate more about the first session that we had, right? So this is just two hours into the program for the live approaches, right? So within two hours you are able, right, to go up to multiple and multiple- and when I mean multiple it means above 10, 20 women who are, in terms of physical attractiveness, at top 20th percentile. Go up. Not get slapped, right, not get slapped in the face, and strike a friendly conversation. And you were even able to get, I think, one or two numbers, right?

Yao Jun:            Yeah.

Marcus Neo:     So will you elaborate a little bit more about that experience?

Yao Jun:            I would say, not going to lie, okay? When I do it, my heart is pumping and I’m like, “Oh boy, this is some weird ass random situation.” But I told myself, if I want to get the numbers, I have to do it right. Because it’s something that you have to do it, you have to work for it, right.

So the first time, actually I mean the first exact moment I walk up to a girl, I feel a little scared. And I started by… I walked and talked along with her. I can’t remember what exactly I asked her, but it was something along the lines of “Where do you work? Where are you going?” And things like that. And we had a casual-ish conversation.

And that also helped me to anchor that, in all strangers in terms of pretty girls, are not the kind of very distant or very like people that you just cannot approach. Right. But they’re all like us. Like you and me, all the guys, right? That they’re also looking for a partner and things kind of end in common ground. So yeah, I do feel more solid and centered after that. After that, it’s more of a “Oh, I just approach it. I don’t think about it. I just do it because if I were to think about it, I’m going to feel scared. So I just won’t give up.”

Marcus Neo:     Does it surprise you that it was actually extremely doable with the framework that I’ve given you, right. And it’s a very simple framework and most people will just over-complicate and confuse it.

Yao Jun:            Yeah. Yeah. Because I think the over-complication part is where you feel like you don’t have enough information and then you feel like you’re not going to do it because you’re scared. I think these are the main two problems that, when you have a course without a direct end-to-end support. I would say end-to-end support in the sense that your course covers start to end, right? From complete beginners to advanced stuff.

But I would say it’s also more of a [inaudible 00:10:38] kind of thing, because these are things that you need to occasionally and quite often revisit, right? When you feel in a certain area, you revisit the content to anchor your confidence and to anchor your understanding of things. Because it’s easy to think about it from a logical sense, but when you’re emotional and you are acting on impulse, you perform so-called “less than stellar.” Yeah.

Marcus Neo:     Okay. So let me ask you, why do you choose to work with me over tens of other programs out there in the world? Why did you choose marcusneo.com?

Yao Jun:            I would say that’s a very good question. I actually haven’t thought that much, but I feel that it’s because, okay, what I can say is that when I had spoken to you, I did not think that much in terms of comparing, but I would say that from a business-touch point of view, right? You have been there done that. One. So you have a lot of experience. And two, it’s not that you’re giving me theoretical advice, but you are going along with me for the ride. Maybe in terms of life coaching, right? And thirdly, is that the course you speak, the way you present the content and the course, right. It’s in a very straightforward manner. It’s not full of jargon. It’s not full of, oh, you have to think this so that you’re doing it right. No, you focus on the, do this, do X next, do Y, do Z. That kind of thing.

So yeah. So the emphasis is more on a short script, just go into it. That’s all. And you get results. Less off the theory, the asking you to read a long article, you know?. So just do it. I think that is the essence of the thing. It’s like any other skill that if you want to learn about it and you want to do it, just go and do it. Don’t think about it just, do it. Yeah. They want Nike that’s [inaudible 00:12:34] on their shoes. Right. So, yeah.

Marcus Neo:     Okay, okay. Thank you for the compliments, because I pride myself on making my program as complex-free as possible. So let me ask you this question, right. Will you say that you would have joined my program maybe like three years earlier? A similar program, like this and not wait up, I don’t know what you’re like 23, 24 right now. And that would have benefited you more, right?

Yao Jun:            Yes. Okay. I will not say that because back in my career, okay. Previously I was still hung up with my career. Although I do agree that university is the perfect hunting ground, the perfect place to meet women and all that. But right now I’m gearing my lifestyle such that I have a lot more time than the average person. So I will sink in that extra time into this thing. And because I feel for me, my perspective is that dating is like any other skill. That it can be learned, and it doesn’t require you to be a genius. It’s not rocket science. Right. So as soon as you put the heart and the mind to it, you will [inaudible 00:13:46], you can do it [inaudible 00:13:48]. Yeah.

Marcus Neo:     Okay. Right, so because now I’m kind of extending to an international audience right. So we have people from America, potentially watching this. I’d like to ask you this question. Do you think that the same principles and concepts that I have presented in the program, if you were to move into another country in another culture, will you be able to replicate the results with the same principles?

Yao Jun:            I would say it’s even much easier. It’s not just getting results, but I think in terms of in a Western country, I think it would be much easier because people there are more direct. They are more approachable and there’s not a social norm to say, you have to act this and you have to act that. You have to act like a good girl or a good guy. There just isn’t so much of that in the West and in Europe as well.

So I would say that it’s amazing. Even in Singapore where it’s arguably a hard place to get girls. And if even I can get them, I don’t think it should be a problem for Westerners. I’m Asian, come on, Asian guys are stacked. We are stacked against white guys we are stacked against black guys. Come on, come on. Right. So I don’t believe that to be an excuse though.

Marcus Neo:     Okay. Awesome, awesome, awesome. Okay. So lastly, before we end off, we might have some people viewing this and they are thinking, they’re actually on the fence of actually joining a program. Whether it be our online programs or our live programs, and what would you tell these people who are on the fence?

Yao Jun:            Just do it. Just join. You’re not going to regret that because you follow a simple script. You just do it. You want results, you do it. And don’t be the kind of person that, “Oh, I’m going to buy a fancy $2K program and just sit at home, waiting for results to fall from the sky.” You need to be out there. You need to be doing it. You need to change your fashion. You need to improve a lot of various things, your habits and things like that.

But if you do all of those things, it’s pretty much guaranteed that you will have results. That’s why Marcus is still today helping me for me to get a perfect set of photos, right. So that’s what I’m still working on. But otherwise I can say that from a perspective of inner-confidence for the guy, it helps a lot. Right? Because fundamentally, guys are meant to meet girls and they would rather do that than hide away. But most people think that’s an excuse and hide themselves away. So I feel that’s a waste. Yeah.

 

 

Jun 15

Introverted Engineer Gets a “Full Close” in 90 Days and a Girlfriend Outside his Ethnicity

By Marcus Neo | Case Studies

Transcript:

Speaker 1:        He showed made the changes I should make. He gave me some minor tweaks, which I could do. So I tried that, and after that, I was able to get five to six matches a week and I was able to convert that five or six matches a week into dates. It has improved in that way, but after I was able to converse, I was still not able to move ahead of the second date, of the first date. He showed me some personality changes, which I should do. The alpha male qualities, which he asked me to put them. So that helped me in converting the dates into something even more [crosstalk 00:00:44] intimate interaction. Yes. [Inaudible 00:00:47] has helped me in a way to open up. I’m always kind of introverted person, so it’s better for me to talk to people in general and approaching on the field, it’s too difficult.

So with his online coaching and also his infield sessions, it has helped me to open up a bit. I’m still not that good at it, but I’ve seen the improvements. I’ve seen the changes. At least I’m able to approach people now. I think if I can do it, anyone can do it. Because [crosstalk 00:01:25] I was kind of a person.

Speaker 2:        We’ve got to talk about this man. You’re currently residing in Singapore, right?

Speaker 1:        Yeah.

Speaker 2:        You’re not even a Singapore citizen.

Speaker 1:        Yes.

Speaker 2:        [crosstalk 00:01:34] Number two, a minority based in Singapore.

Speaker 1:        Yes.

Speaker 2:        [crosstalk 00:01:37] And the women that you dated were the majority racist. [crosstalk 00:01:45] Yeah.

Speaker 1:        I always used to think that it’s about you, it’s your mistake and everything like that. He taught me in a way that it’s always about the confidence you project on people. To be honest, Singapore is already a difficult market. If I can get results from this particular market, then I’m pretty sure with his style of coaching, you can get results in any other market.

I would say Singapore’s one of the most toughest, but if you can bring out results in that, even in online dating, then I’m pretty sure you are foolproof. So you can just go to any other country and just try the same approaching style. I think Singapore people in general, they are bit conservative. So if you can open them up, then you can open any other race anywhere in the world. In a way, yes, his way of teaching, it’s a bit different. Also, he doesn’t push you to become a arrogant or rude kind of person. He always says that even nice guys can do it. It’s just, you need to have just a bit of spice in your [crosstalk 00:03:10] spark and spice in your nice behavior. To be honest, there’s nothing wrong being a nice guy. It’s just, you need to know how to work around it and use it for your advantage rather than using it as a disadvantage. [crosstalk 00:03:27]

Speaker 2:        Close this off. For the guys watching this and thinking of hopping on and joining in, what would you say? For those guys on the fence.

Speaker 1:        I would say just go for it. If you’re actually looking for having a quality dating life, then I would say just give this a try because it actually helps and it’s not just about continuing the whole thing with him. I would say even one, whatever the whole process, if you just subscribe to that, it would help you for your lifelong. He gives you these lifelong tips, which help you change your personality. It’s nothing superficial, he helps you change your inner game. Which is really helpful in everything, not just dating life, it’s also been helpful and your social life.

Couples holding hand on a date
Mar 18

How to Date a Girl – Even if It’s Your First Time

By Marcus Neo | Dating Advice for Men

Ever wondered how to date a girl? Yes, dates with women can be confusing. Some people opt for fanciful dinners, others keep it light. Then there are the other questions ranging from how do you get to know her on a date? How can you get to know her on dates? Can first dates with a girl lead to sex?

In my experience, as a general principle, as a male, you need to be a leader in your dates. You need to be one leading in conversation, logistically, changing venues, physically and emotionally.

How well you connect with her woman on a is going to be dependent on your conversation skills and ability to connect with her.

How to Date a Girl – The Ultimate Date Guide

  • Fancy First Date Idea? No, Stick to Coffee 

In general, I only plan for low cost and investment first dates.

This usually means coffee at Starbucks or a cafe. If you’re a creep, she’s free to excuse herself since it’s a public area. If she doesn’t turn out like who she is on her online dating profile, your investment is a mere coffee. Or if you’re a creep, you are both free to excuse yourselves.

  • Pick a Central Location

Psychological research also shows that people value things more when they get they invest personal time, money and effort.

When picking a location, there’s no need to get fancy with crazy date ideas. For first dates, you should choose a neutral location between your place and hers. This way, she’ll be investing time and effort to travel to meet you. I almost never ever drive to pick anyone up for a first date.

However, you’ll soon figure out that even time and money aren’t extremely powerful forms of investment at all.

It’s the emotional investment that count.

  • Time: Evenings

You should ideally plan dates in the evening to generate more expectation.

  • Set the Tone

The first date is is going to set the tone of your relationship with her. If she’s attracted to you and you don’t act upon it, she is going to lose that attraction fast.

Oh yes, do note that a date out with her friends is NOT a date. 

  • Create Opportunities for Physical Intimacy 

In general, try to create opportunities for physical intimacy on the first date. This means, forget movie and dinner dates.

They are too un-interactive and don’t introduce any physical intimacy: in the movie theatre, you’re are sitting beside her, silent and facing forward. That’s not a good idea to get to know each other.

If you’re at a restaurant, depending on your smart you are with your sitting position, you might end up sitting across her and facing her like you’re going in for an interview. That’s not good.

You want to try to introduce touch during the first date. The problem with fancy dinners dates is that they’re also costly. Not to mention it’s really boring to just sit across someone and converse for the entire date.

On a date

Here’s a Common First Date plan U use:

  • Meet her midway for coffee at Starbucks
  • I bounce to another cafe for another coffee, dinner or drinks (assuming she and I get a long)
  • Some times I add in something casual: walk in the parks, walks by the beach, visiting the bookstore or get her to join you in one of your hobbies

Note: These days, I don’t really plan out anything special for first dates. If you are generating enough leads through approaching women or online dating apps, then you want your first date to me more of a screening process.

There are going to be first dates that don’t go to anywhere. Hence, there’s no need to come up with fanciful ideas. I like the idea of going to a cafe and then straight to drinks. If you want to plan out more special dates, then make sure both of you really like each other and get a long. Then only you plan something out on the second or third date.

How to Plan Out Future Dates

In general, you are not actually going spend 4-5 hours in ONE venue on a date. You’re going to have to plan for at least three activities that isn’t too high of an investment for both of you. Ideally, start your date at around 6pm. You want to be peaking together at around 10 pm or 11 pm. The key is to give her the “I need to go home, but I don’t want to yet” feeling.

The Heavy Dinner Date? Yes or No?

I’m not saying 100% no to dinner dates. The majority of my coffee dates end up with dinner. That’s after if both of us get along well. Contrary to popular belief, women do not like heavily planned romantic and expensive dinners for first dates. (Read: gold diggers are an exception)

However, I’m stating a hard NO to romantic, expensive, high expectations kind of dinner first dates dates: the ones where you roll up in your Dad’s Mercedes Benz to some fancy restaurant. (read: the ones that you pretend to understand the menu.)

Lastly, you want your dates to be efficient: not all dates are going to lead to sex. You’re not going to enjoy every single date and not every girl is going to be into you. If you’re not attracted to her or she’s not showing any interest in you, feel free to walk off and end the date right there and then. Other than strong not wasting your time, it’s also a demonstration of strong boundaries.

Note: These days, I don’t really plan out anything special for first dates. If you are generating enough leads through cold approaching or online dating apps, then you want your first date to me more of a screening process. There are going to be first dates that don’t go to anywhere. Hence, there’s no need to come up with fanciful ideas. I like the idea of going to a cafe and then straight to drinks. If you want to plan out more special dates, then make sure both of you really like each other and get a long. Then only you plan something out on the second or third date.

How to Plan out a Great Date

I generally do this for women I am seeing on a regularly basis. This depends on her personality. The hippies will prefer cafes, stand up comedy and music events. The more adventurous and sporty ones are going to prefer the outdoors. The shopaholics will prefer, erhem… the shopping malls. 

Planning out dates based on her or your interests is also a good opportunity to expand your identity and your interests.

  • Interested in singing? Invite her to your weekly karaoke session.
  • Interested in martial arts? Get her to sign up for a trial class at your gym.

The Multiple Location Strategy

Ideally, on most dates, you want to take her to different date location. Psychological research suggests that if you’re the only constant among all these changing places, she’ll feel that she ‘got to know you more’. However, you can’t be bouncing around aimlessly, you need to progress your date to a location where increased intimacy can occur. This requires you to be spontaneous and armed with knowledge about your city

So Who Pays on the Dates?

In my experience, I’ve been on dates with women who were earning higher income than me. In Singapore, the males generally start drawing an income later compared to women as they’ve got two compulsory years of national service in the military.

In general, most of the women I’ve been on dates with don’t mind going dutch. However, Mark Manson suggested in his book Models that there’s an intrinsic sense of chivalry that women enjoy that makes them feel feminine when you pay for them on dates. He also argued that one of the primary psychological need in women is security: paying for them lends itself to that.

Here’s how I normally do it: I make it a team effort. I’ll often pay first and then tell her to buy something else in return later. You can get her to make it a team activity and get her to pay for something cheaper such as dessert or drinks after. There’s no need to be uptight and stingy if you’re making an income. If you’re earning an income much higher than her, it would make sense for you to pay for her.

The key is not to make the paying part too awkward. 

How to Touch Her on the First Date

Ideally, you should be trying to flirt with her physically right from the get go on your dates. You should be teasing her in your conversations and punctuating your sentences with slight touches. 

If you grew up in a traditional Asian culture, you are probably told to be polite, be nice and not to be pushy with women. Let alone on first dates. I’m going to differ. It’s pointless to approach hundreds of girls, do all the work texting her but being unable to make a move on the date itself.

It’s also good strategy to walk, talk, poke fun at her when she says something cute (or retarded). Pro tip: when you’re walking beside each other on dates, you can punctuate your conversations with physical touches on or shoulder or elbows.

Note: it’s always on YOU to initiate touch as early as the first date. In modern culture, women are perceived in a negative light if they initiate on romantic/ sexual advances. That’s because by initiating interest, she’ll be judged by society as a… ‘slut’. This is why women mostly will never initiate. Even if she really wants to. 

Candle lights

If both of you are comfortable with physical intimacy on your date, it’s a positive sign. You’ll want to take your date to somewhere more private. I recommend bars and cafes that are along beaches. I personally think evening beach dates are great for intimacy and privacy. It can be playgrounds or small parks. You can simply say you know an awesome bar near yours, grab her hand and lead her there.

The key is to lead, lead and always lead. 

There are going to be a percentage of women who aren’t comfortable with physical intimacy on the first couple of dates. There are going to be women who aren’t comfortable with physical intimacy at all. However, like I always say: lead, take a step back and apologize if she’s uncomfortable.

If you plan a date at a cafe or a coffeeshop, choose a seat that plants you beside her instead of in front of her. Either that, just stand up, and plant yourself beside her. It might seem awkward, however, I’ve done that it a couple of times and if she’s attracted to you, she won’t reject you. 

The ability to be physically intimate with women is going to differentiate your dating results by a mile.

How to Get Her to Yours on Dates

If you are physically intimate with a woman towards the end of a date then good… now you need an excuse to get her to your place. There’s no need for any fancy excuse. I used to ask women to get in my car and drive to mine without saying anything. These days, I simply say: “let’s chill at mine.”

The point is to make sure you are “not making her feel like a slut”. Take the societal pressure off her, but keep the sexual tension high. I’ll tell her not to mess up my room. I’ll tell a woman if she stays over she’s sleeping on the floor and you’re the one who’s sleeping on the bed. Saying stuff like that can take the pressure off her.

When you’re finally back at yours… get her to feel comfortable. You can play card games and keep the situation light-hearted and playful. Treat her like a little sister that you never had. Then, you can slowly be physically intimate with her. If she resist against your advances… take a step back and empathise.

My personal belief is that if you come from a standpoint of empathy, you can be that empathetic and sexually attractive male that she’ll break all rules for you. 

Usually after you start kissing and there’s a bedroom nearby… the rest is usually history. In my experience, you can get sexually intimate on first dates. However, the majority of them are simply going to happen on the second to fourth time you meet her. It all depends on the comfort level and her values on sex.

Lastly, do note that if you’re not at final base by the fourth or fifth date, she’s either not comfortable with casual sex or she’s just not interested in you.

Mar 11

How to Build Sexual Tension – Mindsets to Get Her to Chase

By Marcus Neo | Dating Advice for Men

You can dress well, hit the gym and get your studies or work right, have friends that you enjoy with being have hobbies going for you… yet still fail to elicit sexual tension between you and your romantic partners.

To quote Neil Strauss:

“In life, people tend to wait for good things to come to them. And by waiting, they miss out. Usually, what you wish for doesn’t fall in your lap; it falls somewhere nearby, and you have to recognize it, stand up, and put in the time and work it takes to get to it. This isn’t because the universe is cruel. It’s because the universe is smart. It has its own cat-string theory and knows we don’t appreciate things that fall into our laps.”

In my first year of learning this entire attracting women thing, I spent a ton of time dolling myself up with nice-looking clothes, hitting the gym and ‘looking good’. I still didn’t get laid. In fact, I’d argue that focusing too much on being good looking may even work against you. Girls may call you out for being a player and she’s may project all sort of stereotypes onto you.

This is why you need to learn how to elicit sexual tension in your romantic interactions.

How to be Naturally Generate Sexual Tension

  • The Basics

Firstly, the basics work at all times: dress well on a date, have good relaxed open body language and eye contact. This means not being too jittery, not being shifty in your gaze and putting on a relaxed smile.

  • Get Off on Alcohol

Secondly, the dating advice out there that absolutely against alcohol in attempt to get sexual with women. I have nothing against casual drinking and trying to meet girls. It’ll be socially weird if you are out on a bar just to hit on girls with on drinks on hand. If you’re just using it as a social gel, such as getting a drink with a girl who’s already into you, then it’s fine. 

However, if you’re using alcohol as a crutch to hit on women then that’s the problem. If you’re so afraid of your own sexuality that you’re using alcohol to deal with it, then I recommend you look into my guide about toxic shame.

  • Go No Fap

I noticed a huge difference in the way I carry myself when I don’t use pornography. I’ll be more motivated to approach women and be more sexual with them. If you’re hitting the clubs in an hour, then don’t masturbate and preserve the energy for the night. If you really feel the urge to get one out, you can replace it pornographic usage with other habits.

In the popular self-help book Think or Grow Rich, it’s suggested that the most successful and powerful people in history go on sexual abstinences to preserved energy for work. Research and studies also back up that pornography can screw up your perception on sex as portrays an unrealistic picture of human sexuality. If you can’t help but need to get one off, you should only be doing it after accomplishing everything you want to achieve in the day. 

If you are raring to go with all that pent up sexual aggression… it’s going to rub off in your interactions with women. You are going to be a lot more sexually aggressive and be primed to take more social risks.

How to Generate Sexual Tension: Understanding Premise

One core principle of generating sexual tension is in art of setting a premise. It is the idea of evaluating the person you are dating as much as they are evaluating you. This not only balances out the power dynamic in the relationship, it also creates uncertainty in your interaction between you and her.

Uncertainty creates sexual tension.

Think of premise like being a doctor, as opposed to the pushy salesman. You have a problem, I have a solution and you’re the one that chooses to take up that solution. People don’t like being sold to, they like buying. 

This analogy is exemplified in the luxury products industry. Their staff isn’t pushing their luxury products in your face. You’re the one pining to be in their shops to get the that limited edition of that particular product.

In this case, you are framing yourself to be the luxury product and she’s the buyer.

Premise is the context of which you establish any relationship. If you find yourself constantly chasing, putting in an effort and not getting any investment from her end, you lack a premise. You are also likely to lack relationship boundaries.

For example, if you are always the nice guy who always makes himself available to her, she’ll perceive you as a the nice guy going forward. That’s your premise of your relationship with her moving forward in time. It’s harder to change that precedent of a relationship between you and her as opposed to establishing it early.

Of course, setting a premise in itself is limiting in itself. You need to be able to walk the talk. If you are a self-invested individual, then evaluating your time spent with anyone is part of your personal values and not some phoney trick. 

No sexual tension

Not the way to do it

Power Dynamics

If you are outrightly demonstrating your undying lover for her… she knows she already won you over right from the start. You are also putting all of your cards on the table without generating any form emotional investment on her end. You are giving away too much power too early on. She also doesn’t really feel truly appreciated by you. She doesn’t feel special.

That’s because you haven’t ‘qualified’ or ‘disqualified’ her. Only by consciously approving, disapproving, giving and withdrawing validation… you can get her to chase and emotionally invest. 

This creates sexual tension between you and her that is aching to be resolved through insatiable mutual lust.

Trust Your Gut 

There’s something to be said about trusting yourself on a gut level. The more you look to others to completely imitate sexually attractive behaviours, the more you’ll find yourself feeling like an imposter. Stop looking to others to copy behaviour. Trust yourself.

Trusting yourself and holding her hand, going for the kiss or grabbing her by the waist on a date are romantically polarizing behaviours. You’re putting yourself up for rejection. However, it demonstrates true confidence. Girls can sense that kind true confidence.

I quote a line from Models by Mark Manson:

“Until you learn to trust your own actions and learn to pursue women with your own unique style and personality, you have learned absolutely nothing.”

Lead Physically, and Always Be Leading

To elicit sexual tension, it’s all about leading. You’ll need to lead verbally, emotionally, physically and logistically. She’s not going to do it for you. It’s naturally congruent to be a leader and sexually confident. If you’re approaching a woman with intent, you have to back it up by being congruent. Women respond to leadership

If you’re looking to move a romantic interaction to a venue that allows for more intimacy, don’t ask, lead. She’s not going to say yes because that makes her look like the decision maker. She’s not going to lead the interaction for you. That’s because she can’t look like ‘a slut’ to modern cultural narratives. You need to be the one ‘responsible’.

You can start with light social touches (elbows and shoulders) as a means to create sexual tension and then escalate from there. If she signals that she is comfortable with your touches, then lead and slowly escalate. 

Sexual Tension isn’t Built from Memorising Lines

If you are relying on routines and canned lines to build sexual tension you are bound to run out of words. I once planned everything, worried about everything and tried to do every damned detail right in my interactions in person, in text and went to the extent of analysing every single interaction. 

Needless to say I was too stifled in my interactions. It’s a misconstrued idea that romantic interactions can be completely objectified. Social interactions ain’t a hard science. Romantic interactions are like a cosmic clash. You’re an unknown entity to her and vice versa. Some times, it’s going to be awkward for both of you. That’s completely natural. So expect some nervousness, awkwardness and ride the waves.

If you’re too reliant on canned routines, you are going to find yourself being the entertainer as opposed to the sexually arousing male. This certainly destroys sexual tension. In my younger days, I tend to get into this whole ‘frat’ boy kind of schtick when out on date just to demonstrate that I’m friendly and confident and the same time. It’s a schtick. Girls can sniff out whether you’re really sexually confident or simply putting a front. 

Sexual Tension Can Exist without Emotional Connection

Yes, you can be sexually attracted to a woman without being emotionally connected to her. For the most of us, you’re taught that for sex to happen, you need to feel emotionally connected with a woman or have to have meaningful conversations. No, that’s not true. You can feel sexual desire for woman completely for her physique. There’s nothing to be ashamed of.

In reality, you are not going connect emotionally with every woman you are sexually attracted to. However, you’re mostly going to desire to have sex many physically attractive women. There’s no need to apologizing for your natural attraction to the feminine.

There are many women who aren’t looking to connect with anybody at that point of her life. She may just want to date around. Note, she’s not going to say anything that makes her look like a slut because modern society makes it hard for women to express these notions. Hence, don’t decide for her whether there’s sexual tension between you and her.

Looking back, I had tons of times where I was out with a girl and didn’t notice that there was chemistry. I thought we were simply ‘hanging out’. Needless to say, I missed out on a ton of opportunities.

Conclusion

Creating sexual tension goes hand in hand with simply deciding to take control in your romantic interactions.

The majority of men are afraid of sexualising an interaction is because they are afraid of expressing their own sexuality. Look, you can’t do anything if a girl decides to slap you when you try going in for the kiss. You can’t do anything if you said something a joke that was funny to you but ended up pissing her off. In spite of everything, always be leading.

This is part of an unapologetic attractive man’s attitude. It is to be responsible for one’s own desires and stop worrying about things out of your control: other people’s actions and emotions. 

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